Happy Friday ya’ll! Hope today finds you well and that you are fighting that post holiday slump A-OK! Its been a crazy week getting back to the rhythm at school amongst some other generalized “life” things, but I finally found some time to sit down to write.
As I was driving home last night from work I found myself in one of those self reflective type drives. You know what I’m talking about? The kind where you become so deep in thought that you find yourself home before you even realize it. Where you feel like you’re almost driving on auto pilot.
When I got into bed I started to think about my drive home trying to figure out what made me get into such deep thought. I eventually realized that I had kept looking at the tassel hanging from my rearview mirror. A tassel mind you that has been hanging from my mirror for eight months since I graduated. But why the tassel? Why did this lead me into such an abyss.
The last week has certainly thrown some curveballs my way, not to mention the last few months over all. While I’m not one for the who “New Year, New Me” stitch or even making New Year’s resolutions for that matter simply because I feel there’s never a wrong time to reset, refocus, repurpose and better yourself. There’s still that thought process of a clean slate and a new 365 days ahead of you. But have any of you seen that meme going around? The one that says, “It’s been a tough year,” “It’s only the first week of January.”
Yes/no? Either way, here you go.
Well, clean slate or not this week has certainly taken a toll on me. Mentally, physically, emotionally and otherwise. Without going into too much detail I can simply say, I found out some personal health information which I did not anticipate. All will be okay, not too worry, just one of those times where you get that feeling of “can’t my body just catch a break?” (If you’re new to the blog I was recently in the hospital a few months back as well as last March.) My mind has been racing for days on end thinking of all the what ifs. It’s been hard to focus in the classroom, focus at home or even sleep. Now, you might be wondering why am I sharing this, we were just talking about your drive home. Bear with me, there’s a point.
So where were we? My graduation tassel. As I laid in bed I thought about all the things that tassel means to me and for me. It’s the reason I am where I am today. A place I wouldn’t change for the world. I did not set out to be a teacher, I set out to be in media communications and marketing. Some people still to this day 3 years later do not understand why I changed, but to me it doesn’t matter that they understand. I love waking up and doing what I do everyday. I love planning fun and interactive lessons for my students. I love grading papers and analyzing them deeper to learn more about who my students are as individuals. But I digress… back to the tassel.
I began to ponder about how a single item, a simplistic tassel, changed my life in ways I had never imagined and for the better at that. This then led me to think about everything that has occurred over the last 3 years, some good and some bad, but all for a reason that has shaped me to be who and where I am today. My tassel and that short, but contemplative drive refocused my racing mind that there is always a path set in place for us far beyond our own understanding, yet always has a way of working out. A reminder that was much needed this week. Although the what ifs are still on my mind and in the coming weeks I’m sure I will have my days. I woke up this morning feeling a little sense of peace however, most importantly trust in the unknown and trust in the process.
It is hard to trust in the process, especially in the instant gratification world we live in today. Everything needs to be done now and typically can be accomplished in the palm of our hands. I mean let’s be real many of you reading this right now are probably doing so on your phones. Beyond instant gratification it is just generally hard to not know the answers, to live in a state of disequilibrium. Disequilibrium is inherently dissatisfying. But think back to the times of growth in your life no matter how big or small. Was everything peachy keen? Did everything go your way? Were there struggles in which you had to work to overcome? Personally my answers would be no, no and yes. My answers to these questions help formulate my understanding of why trusting the process is something that while seemingly hard to do, is something we need to do.
What would your answers be? Do you trust the process?